You Won’t Believe What Surgeons Eat…OMG!

What’s up, you guys? Hey.

In this video, I wanna talk about what a surgeon eats everyday. It’s gonna be awesome.

So here’s the deal. Depends if I have cases or not. Because you may or may not know usually the OR starts at 7:00 a.m., so you gotta get your ass up early, right? The early bird gets the worm. In this case, the surgeon gets their ass up early. You always start your day with coffee, obviously. If you’re a doctor, you’re drinking coffee all (bleep)ing day. That’s just how it goes. The reason is because we don’t sleep. You know why? ‘Cause the (bleep) nurses are calling me all night! Why? Because I usually forget to put in orders, or I forget to put in pain medication, or I forget to put in a diet, or my patient’s nauseous in the middle of the night. So my nurses are calling me all night.

It’s usually my fault. It’s usually- The nurse calls because I screwed something up, and they don’t know what to do. Or you have some patient that’s pissed off or whiny or some bull(bleep) like that, so that screws up your entire night. They call you, like, four, five times in the night. I don’t know about you guys, but getting woke up four times, five times, six times a night messes up your sleep cycle a little bit.

So the staple food group of a surgeon is coffee. Period. Mine, black as (bleep). That’s how I like my coffee. I’ve had a few girlfriends like that, and they’re not too bad either. But I’m talking about coffee right now.

So then, you’ll get up, you’ll have coffee. Everybody else has breakfast, but you don’t have breakfast. You don’t have time for that (bleep) ’cause you’re usually racing to work because you’re tired, and you forgot to shave half your face or some bull(bleep) like that.

You get to work. Either you round, or you go do your case right away. By about 9:00, you’ve typically rounded and/or done a couple operations. And you’ve had, like, four cups of coffee. And, I mean, coffee’s an appetite suppressant. So you’re not really hungry, but everybody else is eating. So you go to the doctor’s lounge thing and have eggs and bacon.

Typically, bacon is also the staple surgeon food because it’s (bleep)ing delicious is why. And it goes well with coffee. Then you’ll do some more (bleep) in the morning after you have your coffee and bacon, and when you get to lunch typically, you don’t usually have time to sit down for lunch ’cause all this other bull(bleep)’s going on. You’re signing papers, the nurses are calling you, the P.A.s are calling you. And the OR’s calling you to sign the H&P. “You forgot to sign the H&P.” So you have to go do that.

You just grab cookies or an ice cream. Ice cream is very popular in the doctor’s lounges. They’re always free, so you can grab that and open it up. And you stuff it in your face, and then you chase it with some coffee real quick.

2:00 comes around, and you’re tired because you ate bacon, coffee, and cookies all day. So you get some more coffee is basically what I do. Sugar, and this is a little trick, tip for you guys. What you do is you go around to the nurses’ stations, okay? You go down to the nurses’ stations. You pretend like you are there to talk with the nurses about patient care and stuff, but really, you’re looking for candy.

Today, I went by. I got some Kit Kats, cookies, candy, chocolate cake. The nurses always have that (bleep). They’re always having potlucks, and when I say potlucks, most of the time they just bring cake. Some nurses bring this seven-layer dip thing, so you can get some chips, maybe some beans, maybe some actual food. Not just cookies and candy and coffee. You usually don’t want to eat a lot of that. Who wants to eat real food? Of course, it’s a couple days after Halloween right now. So I got Kit Kats, I got chocolate chip cookies, I got the 100 Grand bar. I scored big actually. It was a pretty good day today, and I go in the administration office. And there’s always some people in there that wanna talk, and I’m like, “Hey! What’s going on? Oh yeah!” Go in, pretend I’m talking to them. But really, I know that they have those little mints in there.

So I go in there and grab the mints from the administration office, and then bull(bleep) them a little bit and make them feel good that I’m talking to them or something like that. Make friends.

You gotta make friends with these people! Because you know that everybody always has candy, so if you go and make friends, then they’ll offer you candy more. Very important.

So then, like, 5:00 rolls around. And you’re starving, so now you need something for real, right? So you go in the fridge, and you grab a Fatboy ice cream because those are all free usually. Well, most places are free for doctors. So you grab a Fatboy, and you know what goes awesome with Fatboy? Black (bleep)ing coffee! Black ass coffee goes awesome with a Fatboy, so you chug the coffee after the Fatboy. So you get a sugar high, but I don’t know if you guys know this. Coffee actually levels out your blood sugar, so this is another reason doctors drink coffee is because they know that it helps you with your blood sugar.

In addition, it actually helps you with being smart, being alert, thinking on the fly. When I took pharmacology, I looked at caffeine and was like keeps you up, makes you more alert, and helps your brain function. I was like, “Well, (bleep). I’m gonna drink this all the time. This is fantastic.” So then once you get to, like, 7:00, you’re still on the computer doing your notes and doing all this bull(bleep). You’re constantly going in the lounge, going to the doctor’s lounge, grabbing some coffee. There’s usually some cookies in the doctor’s lounge although by 7:00, all the doctors have totally (bleep)ing wiped out the cookies. And there’s usually nothing left, so you can’t really do that.

You can go in there, but you cannot rely on the cookies being there because all the other (bleep)ing pig doctors have been in there to eat your cookies.

So what I usually do is, yeah, you got it. I go by the nurses’ stations again ’cause they always have (bleep). 7:00 is the switch over. The nurses switch from daytime to nighttime, so the new nurses bring in new cookies, new cake. Then you can go and pretend like you’re talking to them about the patients and stuff like that, and be nice. You gotta be nice to them.

Sometimes I go to one nurses’ station, I grab the cookies and candy from one. And I take it to the other ones. See? That’s a trick. See, I don’t have to bring it from home that way. I grab them from one, take it to the other ones. So then the new nurses think that I’m a good doctor because I’m bringing them stuff, but really, I’m just taking them from the other nurses. Fantastic.

Then, I guess, when you get home. Finally, you get home at 10:00 at night. And what I like is Halo ice cream because it’s super low cal and because I’ve eaten cookies and bacon and ice cream and coffee all day. Then I have real ice cream, but it’s lower calories. So I feel better about myself.

If I’m on-call, I don’t drink anything. And if I’m not on-call, then I just have a glass of wine or whiskey or something like that to chase down my ice cream.

So that is what a surgeon eats everyday. Typical diet of a surgeon.

All right, you guys. Hey, thanks a lot. Subscribe, like, and comment on this video. That would be great. I really appreciate everybody. I’ll see you in the next one.

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