What’s going on, you guys? Hey. Thanks for watching this video.
In this video, I wanna talk about something a little bit more serious. Usually, I screw around a lot. And I like doing that, but every once in a while, you gotta do some serious (bleep). And this one was brought to me by Kevin, who has a YouTube channel as well. And I’ll put the link to his channel below. Kevin made a really good video the other day talking about suicide, depression, in medicine. There’s been a few students in his residency program that have committed suicide over the last, I think, year or something like that. So it’s kind of a lot. He talked about how it’s really not talked about in medicine and how we sweep this under the rug. And he brought a very, very interesting point in that we do need to talk about that as something that happens. I had people that left my residency, when I was in residency, because of depression. I don’t know if there’s any- I don’t think we had any suicides unless I wasn’t aware of it. I like telling stories. I’ll tell you the story.
I was in my fourth year of residency. I went to New York City with my sister. I think she was moving, and I helped her move. Anyway, she goes. She takes me to this pizza place called Cast Eight, which is amazing. I’d never been there before. I had a bite of pizza. The first bite of pizza made me realize that- The pizza was so (bleep)ing good that it made me realize I had been depressed for a long time. I didn’t care. I had just apathy. I didn’t give a (bleep) if I lived or died, and I wasn’t really actively thinking about that I was depressed. I just had no feeling. I was indifferent, and that pizza made me realize. I actually looked up at her and was like, “This pizza makes me want to live again.” It just made me realize how (bleep)ing depressed I was and how (bleep) I felt for how long. It was forever! It was a really, really long time. We don’t talk about this much because you’re supposed to be tough.
Especially in surgery residencies. You’re supposed to be tough, you’re supposed to be able to work long hours, be able to stay up later than everybody else, be able to study on top of that, and suck it up and just take the pain. That’s our culture, and I think people get into this culture. “I should be able to do this. Why can’t I do it?” They’re upset. We have so much pressure on ourselves. We put it on ourselves. Obviously, there’s external sources of pressure. But we also- It’s internal sources too. It’s really hard to see when you’re in that, so I guess the point of this video is that I just wanted to bring it up. If you’re a pre-med medical student resident, you’re- I would say, 95 plus percent of people in medicine develop these feelings of inadequacy and depression and thoughts of suicide and stuff.
I just wanna say that you need to reach out to somebody. You’re not alone, number one. Number two, there’s lots of people that wanna help. You wanna e-mail me, you can direct message me on Instagram, or you can e-mail me. My e-mail is on Instagram. You can find it there, and I’m happy to help, to chat, to maybe give you some insight of what my problems were too. And I think most of the time, these are workable problems. I don’t know. I haven’t been there and really wanted to commit suicide before, but from my perspective, we really create most of our own problems. A lot of times, the issue is that we’re sitting there by ourselves, talking to ourselves for too long. And we need to talk to somebody else. We need to get out there and have somebody else say, “Hey, yeah, I have these same things.” I mean, look at the Me Too movement, right? Everybody was sitting around thinking they were the only ones like this or are having these problems, but you come to find out it’s grew like wildfire.
This is the thing with depression and suicide in medicine. We don’t talk about it, but we should because it’s everywhere. I would say 95 plus percent of people in medicine have this problem, have this issue. Thank you, Kevin, for making that video to bring that to everyone’s attention. Hopefully, we’ll pay attention to that more in the future. Like I said, if you guys need help, wanna talk to somebody, wanna just chat. I do get messages about this stuff. People are really depressed about either that they’re not gonna be able to perform on step one, or they’re not gonna be a doctor ever or that they’re in medicine, they’re a student. I got one recently that, “I’m a student, and I’ve always wanted to be a doctor. But I hate this. Why do I hate it so much?” It’s (bleep)ing hard! It’s hard. We do a lot of things that don’t make a lot of sense at the time, and some of them never make any sense.
Sometimes you just have to go get through it. (Bleep)ing histology. I was talking to somebody else about this. Histology is- Unless you’re a pathologist, well, there’s not a lot of use for me for histology. I guess having a basic knowledge of all the organs is great, but after that, I was like, I don’t really need this. What I do tell people is when they message me and say, “Hey, I don’t know why I’m doing this. This is terrible. I wanna be a doctor, but it’s not worth it”, I would say – this is my perspective – I would say it is worth it because to me, in- especially surgery, but medicine too – you’re helping other humans, okay? So when it comes down to it, we’re on the planet with a bunch of other humans. And it seems like, to me, that’s probably the most important thing, right? If you’re able to help other humans.
Now maybe you wanna say animals are more important. I know some people think animals are more important, and that’s okay too. When you’re 80 and if you’re not able to look back and say, “I helped the human race”, I think you might be like, “You know what? I (bleep)ed up.” I was a car salesman, and I might have done some shady (bleep). Whatever. But I didn’t really help anybody. I didn’t really help people at their core. When you’re in surgery, you get to- You meet somebody for 10 minutes, you operate on them, you fix their insides, their organs. Take dead ones out, whatever it is. And then you’re kind of connected to that person after. I mean, that’s how I feel. So it’s kind of my spirituality, so I would say it is worth it even though you’re going to do a bunch of dumb (bleep) in med school and residency.
I was a (bleep)ing secretary my first year. I mean, not only a secretary. But I was doing a bunch of faxing, and I wasn’t a good faxer. I wasn’t following up on the faxing, so I felt bad about it. And I would literally go home and be like, “Why can I not figure out the fax machine and how the flow is?” Basically, what was happening is the faxes were going on the floor and then underneath some cabinet. And I didn’t go down to that department to make sure that my fax was in the stack of papers. Basic radiology. The CAT scan wouldn’t get done, and then my senior resident would be like, “Why the (bleep) is this CAT scan-?” And I’d be like, “I don’t know! I faxed it, like, four times!” But I didn’t go down to the department and make sure my fax was actually picked up and check off and getting the (bleep)ing CAT scan. This was causing a lot of stress for me. I was literally like, “I’m a bad doctor.”
Sometimes things are here. Just all here. That was a (bleep)ing random story, but the point is reach out to other people. We’re all doctors and almost doctors and stuff. We wanna help people, so there’s gotta be somebody around you that is interested in helping you. You need to reach out to me? Do it. I’m cool with that.
So hey, thank you guys for watching this video. Please comment about your own stories, maybe, that would help a lot of people. I’m sure if you maybe commented about the time where you were super depressed that really sucked bad and how you got out of it. Don’t forget to share and like and subscribe! Don’t forget about that.
And I’ll see you in the next video.
To learn how I went from 1.7 GPA to straight A’s in 30 days, check out my online study course: www.secretstudyhacks.com