Hey, what’s up, you guys?
Hey, thanks for watching this video.
In this video, I’m gonna tell you why medical school is not that (bleep) hard, and you’re just being a (bleep)! All right, first, I’m gonna tell you a little story because I know you guys like stories, and I know you guys like gross stories. This is kind of a gross story.
I was on colorectal service, and we get this consult. My senior resident says, hey, go see this consult. See what’s going on, you know, work him up. Blah blah blah. Come back to me, and tell me what’s going on. One of the things you do as an intern is you go see the patient initially. You get lots of experience, do the history and physical, looking at the labs, trying to make decisions on diseases or disease process, making differential diagnoses and things like that. Then taking them to the senior resident, and you go over everything. And he says yes, you’re right or no, you’re wrong. Whatever. And we’re gonna do x labs or you’re stupid. Why did you order blah blah blah? Cancel that. So that’s how it goes.
Anyways, I go see this patient. She was having some belly pain. I’m on colorectal service, and I can’t really figure out why she has belly pains, so I’m talking to her about this stuff. It’s been going on for a really long time and no fevers and chills, but she is having a difficult bowel movement, stuff like that.
One of the rules in general surgery is there’s only two reasons an intern does not do a rectal exam on a patient. One, the intern doesn’t have any fingers. Two, the patient doesn’t have an asshole. That is the rule. So on every patient, as an intern – well actually as a general surgery resident – you’re gonna do a rectal exam.
By this time, I’m getting pretty good. I don’t really need to spread the cheeks and look at the asshole myself. I can just kind of slip my finger back there, find it, and do a rectal exam. I say, “Ma’am, I need to check your rectum” and this and that. I go to put my finger back there, and I can’t really find it. She says, “No, no. Not there, not there.” I was like, well, where…? I had to actually look, and it turns out she does not have an asshole. I’m like, well, this is strange.
What ended up happening is that this lady had what we call imperforate anus. She had imperforate anus. This is something you’re born with. What you do is you then develop a colovaginal fistula. This is a connection between the colon, or the rectum, and the vagina. Instead of the stool coming out of the anus, where it’s supposed to come, it came out of [the] vagina. That’s from when she was born!
They have healthcare, but a lot of the times, they don’t have insurance so they’re scared to go in because they’re gonna have to pay for whatever it is. So I’m sure what happened is that she had three children, and after each child, they didn’t wanna do the surgery to fix it because she’s pregnant. Then she never went back to go for the repeat visit to get it fixed.
At this point, now she has calcified stool balls in her transverse colon that are about that big. There are stool balls that turned to bone inside of her colon.
Basically, what we did was a exploratory laparotomy, total symptomal colectomy, and she got an ileostomy.
In light of that, now the end of the story is med school ain’t that (bleep) hard. Unless you have imperforate anus and a person who’s shitting out of her vagina for 66 years, then med school does not compare. Get your (bleep) ass back there. Go back to wherever the (bleep) you study, sit your ass down, and put your head in the books and study for eight (bleep) hours ’cause it ain’t that hard. Unless you have an imperforate anus. If you do have an imperforate anus, then you should comment below because it’s very uncommon and you should share with the community ’cause the other medical students would wanna s–.
Anyway, that’s my story for the day, and I hope you guys like these videos. Share, subscribe, comment, like the video. That would be awesome. Definitely share it mostly though! ‘Cause if you share, I’ll catch that goddamn Dr. Mike. My stories are way (bleep) better. He’s not even a year out of his residency! He has no dick! He is handsome though, I’ll tell you that. He’s a good-looking guy.
All right, you guys, once again, take care. See you in the next one.
To learn how I went from 1.7 GPA to straight A’s in 30 days, check out my online study course: www.secretstudyhacks.com