What’s up, you guys?
All right. This is the video you have been waiting for. Part two! How to tell what residency you go into based on your personality. Medical version.
If you love to talk about what the (bleep) diagnosis this patient may or may not have. It could be appendicitis, it could be urethritis, it could be cystitis, it could be diverticulitis, it could be uveitis, it could be Crohn’s, it could be rheumatoid arthritis. If you don’t ever – never, ever, ever – like to make a single diagnosis, you should go into, that’s right, internal medicine. Where you will get to mentally masturbate for hours upon hours upon hours and maybe, maybe decide at some point in your eight-hour work day to treat a patient for a specific diagnosis. Or instead you may just decide to treat them for a whole (bleep)load of stuff that they don’t have.
Number two, baby, let me tell you my BMW is so very smooth. It’s very smooth. It ride very nice, right? If you like math problems. If you’re like, oh yeah, 249 times 387 is 10,482 like this, right, most of the time you’re probably Asian and you’re going to love which organ? The kidney. You’re gonna love (bleep) dialysis. Dialysate. You’re gonna love dialysate. You’re gonna love urine. Oh baby, you love the (bleep) urine, right? You want to feel the liquid gold slip through your fingers. It just drips all over your fingers. Sometimes into your shoes and on the socks, soaks into the socks. Then you want to be a nephrologist.
If your name is Jiu Chen, you scored a perfect score on the SAT and a perfect score in the MCAT and you went to UCLA and then USC Medical School and your family’s very proud of you and you want to take all of that special knowledge that you have, and you want to apply it to 13-year-old girls because you want to fix their acne with your special cream. You also want to call yourself a surgeon, but you don’t really want to do surgeries. It’s gross. What you wanna do, then, is you wanna go into dermatology because then you can fix all of those horrible, horrible diseases like acne and blackheads and other pimples. Every once in a while, you can, like, set up your procedure room and, like, drape everybody sterilly and stuff and, like, inject Lidocaine and take off someone’s mole so when you go to parties, you can call yourself a dermatologic surgeon. If that’s you, then you wanna go into dermatology.
If you are a very handsome man, and you look good on posters such as billboards, magazine covers, and you never wanna have sex with your wife because you look at vaginas all day long and it does not bother you, then you should go into OB-GYN. I talk about this from experience because when I did my GYN rotation, I had a girlfriend. And she complained a lot during those two months because I did not wanna have sex because I could not stand to look at another vagina after going and spending all day looking at different vaginas. I came home and I was like, listen, put that shit away. I do not wanna see another one today. I’ve had enough. That’s a real issue just so you guys know. I mean, this is a kind of funny parody and everything but for me, that was a real deal. I could not do GYN so whoever you guys out there that are doing that stuff, more power to you, man. You’ve got a lot of guts?
All right, hey, you guys, thanks for watching this video! This was a short one, but I’m gonna do part three for you. Don’t worry. Coming up. Okay, subscribe, like, and share. I’ll see you in the next one. Thanks a lot. Take care.
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