Hey, what’s up, you guys? Hey, thanks for watching this video. In this video, oh man, I have such a good one for you today. How to choose your specialty in surgery. So good! I’ll do another one for medicine. This one’s just gonna be for surgery.
If you wanna go into surgery, here’s what you’re gonna do.
The problem with medicine and choosing a specialty is you have no time to do it. You have limited experience. Unless you’re doing medicine or GYP or it’s one of your core rotations, if it’s a specialty in surgery, you don’t have any experience at all. Or very little. Say you wanna do orthopedics, there’s not really a core rotation. So by the time you get to do your orthopedic rotation, you are generally a fourth-year student, and you’ve already submitted for the match. Almost, right? Because you have to submit your match application in August of your fourth year. Right? Or at the beginning of your fourth year, essentially. Or at the end of your third year, however you do that. So you’re not even getting a lot of experience. This is a way, I’m gonna tell you, how you can determine what your personality is and what you’ll fit.
If you are a super jock, and you like slapping high fives to your friends and drinking a shitload of beer and wings and pizza on the weekends and watching football and telling everybody else that they’re not as cool as you because you have huge muscles, and you like to work out all the time and pump it up, then you should go into orthopedic surgery. Simple as that.
If you are a total (bleep) masochist, and you like staying up, well, not staying up, but you like being woken up at all hours of the day and night and doing operations that are (bleep) high risk on patients that generally have destroyed their body through lifestyle choices, you like to torture yourself every single (bleep) day, but you wanna do something that is technically very challenging. If everyone’s telling you, boy, you have really good hands and all that bull(bleep), that’s so stupid. It’s just a practice note. I mean, some people have some hand/eye coordination but after five years operating, if you still suck, I guess maybe you picked the entire wrong specialty. If you wanna do something challenging, technically challenging, then maybe you should go into transplant surgery ’cause that is where you can stay up all the time. They call you all hours of the night. Oh yeah, and if you like flying in private jets and feel like a badass and tell everybody you’re a transplant surgeon, then you should go into transplant surgery.
If you like to hit on the nurses on every single floor and walk through the hospital like you own the fucking thing and tell everybody that you are the biggest badass and you make so much money it’s ridiculous and you wanna drive a Porsche, but you actually can’t- well, you possibly, maybe drive a Porsche but not a Ferrari. If you also want something sort of technically challenging for a little while, then you should go into cardiothoracic surgery. I say that because a lot of the cases with cardio thoracic surgery are the same over and over and over. Actually, transplant kinda too. So for a while, it’s difficult. Then you’ll get really, really good at it, and then they’ll kind of be easy for you. Unless you do heart and lung transplant, although those are big vessels, so it’s kind of easy to do that too. I mean, I don’t do them on a regular basis, but I’ve done a few. I’ve helped with a few. I don’t do these. I help with them. So they’re not technically that challenging to me, but the small vessel and osmosis are technically more challenging.
If you are a complete masochist like the transplant surgeon and you want to operate for 16 to 18 hours at a time and you wanna operate on the same patient, like, five times or ten times, then you should go into vascular surgery. Those are the guys that do the fem, fem, fem, pop and then the chop, chop. Because that’s the patients who have real bad vascular disease. You have to do the femoral, femoral, bypass first because you got no blood flow, and then you end up doing a femoral popliteal artery bypass and then maybe a fem distal and then when that fails, you just chop the leg off. Basically, you get to operate on that patient, like, four or five times and then maybe do the triple A. But those operations of fem distals and fem pops and stuff like that, they can be really long. They’re not 16 hours unless you redo a osmosis five times, which is I found most vascular surgeons are perfectionists and instead of, the enemy of good is better kind of thing, they don’t really think that. They just say I need to do it better, and then they do it again. In the middle of the night, then, you get a call – this leg has no pulse, and it’s cold. And you’re like, fuck, the osmosis cooled it down again. So you go back, and you take it back in the middle of the night and do it again. So that’s, like, a 16-hour, and then you do another eight-hour. You get home, you do a 16-hour, you go home, and then you get called by the intern in the middle of the night, and it’s, like, two o’clock in the morning and the frickin’ osmosis went down, clotted off. Then you go back in the morning at four a.m., and you do another eight-hour operation to fix that. Amazing. So if that’s your kind of deal, your kind of gig, then you should do vascular surgery.
If you wanna drive a Ferrari, and you wanna be super popular on Instagram. You wanna be popular with your local celebrities, and you wear really shiny suits and (bleep) like that. You wanna do fake surgery – you don’t really wanna do real surgery ’cause that seems dangerous and (bleep). You help people with real surgery, but honestly, at the same time, there’s a lot of risks there. If you don’t wanna do that stuff, you just kinda wanna buy expensive shoes and tell everybody you’re a surgeon, you should go into plastic surgery. Because those guys, they make a (bleep)load of money, but they don’t really do anything except move some skin and fat around. It’s not real operations like you’re getting in the guts and actually fixing something or removing a dead organ or something like that. It’s what I like to call fake surgery. So if you wanna do that, you should be a plastic surgeon.
Here’s a really important one that you don’t wanna miss.
If you like to get up at eight a.m., stroll into the office at nine, see some clinic patients – like, four maybe, and you like sticking your finger in people’s asses all the time, and you like doing surgery only on certain days like only Fridays, but you have to not mind your hand smelling like shit all the time, then you should go into colorectal surgery.
Here’s a really good one.
If you are a feminist, liberal, and you drive a Prius, and you recycle all your garbage, and you hate Trump, you should definitely go in to do breast surgery because that is your perfect niche.
Okay, the last one is near and dear to my heart. If you are a hard ass worker but still a masochist, you wanna make good money but not a lot of money, you wanna drive an S3 but not a Ferrari, you like getting up in the middle of the night, and you like being the hero and saving the day in emergencies, and you like doing lots of different operations, and you never (bleep) know what’s gonna happen, and you like to throw in vents, and you like to yell at people, and you like to tell everybody else they’re stupid and you’re smart, then you should go into general and trauma surgery.
If you guys didn’t catch the sarcasm in that video, then I cannot help you.
Hope you liked this video. Subscribe, like, and share it if you would, and I’ll see you in the next one. Take care.
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